Anime Club Gone Wild
by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin
Summary: In a messed-up version of Chicago, you can only follow one anime for your entire life, and it can either be One Piece, Naruto, Bleach, Hetalia, or Kuroshitsuji. Lucy Heartfilia, however, is an S.O.S. Brigadier, which means that she can watch any anime she pleases. Will this affect how she gets along with her fellow otakus, or will it cause tons of fighting? "Divergent" parody.
1. It's All About the Animes!

**Long Summary**: "We finally get to parody the _Divergent _book series everyone's been talking about. So, in a huge anime club in Chicago, there are five animes to worship the rest of your life - One Piece, Naruto, Bleach, Kuroshitsuji, or Hetalia. When Lucy Heartfilia takes the test to find out which anime to follow the rest of her life, she finds out that she belongs to the Haruhi Suzumiya faction, where you can like all the animes. Will Lucy choose the right anime, or will she end up in the Homestuck faction, where you can't like ANY anime?"

**Author's Note: **Well, since my parodies of _Twilight _and _The Hunger Games _are winding down, I decided to start a parody of the _Divergent _trilogy. Now, keep in mind, this fanfic is not meant to bash people who like certain animes and/or Homestuck, any anime mentioned in this fic, and Homestuck. This is meant to be a parody of a popular YA novel.

Also, there's a 50-75% chance that I will have to move this fic to the Fairy Tail/Homestuck section later on. Why? You'll see.

**Disclaimer: Veronica Roth owns the _Divergent _trilogy, Hiro Mashima owns Fairy Tail, Eichiiro Oda owns One Piece, Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto, Tite Kubo owns Bleach, Yana Toboso owns Kuroshitsuji, Hidekazu Himeruya owns Hetalia, Hiromu Arakawa owns Fullmetal Alchemist, Andrew Hussie owns Homestuck, and I own _One Piece: Parallel Works._**

* * *

"Okay, Lucy, it's done."

I open my eyes, and I can see myself and my mother, Layla Heartfilia, staring at me from the mirror. Damn, my mom does some great haircuts.

Anyway, let's cut to the chase. My name is Lucy Heartfilia. I'm a seventeen-year old girl living in some messed-up version of Chicago. Why is it so messed up? Well, sixty-nine years ago, a bunch of people came to our world from Narnia. They went on about how some sport in Narnia called the "Hunger Games" is tearing the nation apart. Apparently, the Hunger Games is where teens have to kill each other, so somebody instituted these factions based off of five anime so the buddy system could be used to prevent these Hunger Games or something. These factions (and anime) are Naruto, One Piece, Bleach, Hetalia, and Kuroshitsuji. My family and I are from the Hetalia Faction, where we have to worship hot men who are also countries of the world. Also, there's tons of yaoi and fanfiction in my faction.

And, yes, we have to cosplay in this faction. As nations. Mom cosplays as Belarus, my dad, Jude Heartfilia, cosplay as America, my adopted brother, Gray Fullbuster, cosplays as China, and I cosplay as Sweden. Did I mention that Belarus is a psycho, America is on the road to getting Type-Two Diabetes, Gray's a borderline-nudist who wears his cosplay 50% of the time, and that Sweden's gay for Finland?

Moving on, Gray and I board the bus that will take us to school. Today is a special day. Today, we take an aptitude test to determine which anime we will like the most, and, tomorrow, we will choose which anime to follow for the rest of our lives.

"Nervous about today?" Gray asks me.

"Not really," I say as a member of the Bleach faction bumps past me. All members of Bleach faction wear black yukatas and carry around katanas. They also really, really like Taco Bell for some reason.

"I just hope I don't get Naruto. That faction is made up of weaboos who only eat ramen and speak butchered Japanese," Gray reveals.

"You mean, they say things like 'You make my kokoro go doki-doki, desu'?" I ask Gray, who nods. "Oh, Dear Lord."

A few minutes later, we arrive at our school. Already, the people from the One Piece faction are having sword fights in the quad. Gray and I ignore this and go inside.

"So, I'll see you at lunch," Gray says.

"See you," I say before Gray goes to Trigonometry and I go to History of Anime. As I go down the hall, I stop at the window that overlooks Lake Michigan. Already, students from One Piece faction are getting off of their pirate ships and going to either Denny's or Starbucks before going to school.

I sigh. This is going to be a long two days.

* * *

The tests start right after we eat lunch. Bad idea, since I feel like throwing up.

Right after Gray leaves to take his test, I decide to take a look to see what the other factions are up to. A bunch of kids from the One Piece faction are drinking rum and playing strip poker. Some of the people in Kuroshitsuji faction have tea and scones. The members of Naruto faction eat ramen and practice their jutsus. The people in Bleach faction watch some magic show by a guy called "Don Kanoji". And, the fangirls in Hetalia faction are having a mock U.N. debate.

Of course, I'm not included in the mock U.N. debate, even though Sweden is part of the United Nations last time I checked.

A few minutes later, Gray comes back. He looks very disturbed.

"Did they make you read slash fanfiction?" I ask Gray, who just shudders.

"Lucy Heartfilia!"

I get up from the table.

"Good luck," Gray tells me before I go out into the hall and go into a room marked "6". Already, my test administrator is standing there. She's from One Piece faction, but she doesn't look like it with her pink hair and lamb horns. When she closes the door, I notice a tattoo of a dragon on her shoulder.

Holy shit. It's the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, just like in that awesome movie I saw.

"You must be Lucy. I'm Aries, and I will be giving you your apititude test," The woman introduces herself to me as she leads me to a replica of the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones.

"What's with the dragon tattoo?" I ask as I sit down on the Iron Throne, which is pointy.

"Nothing special. After I saw _The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo_ and read the books in _The Millenium Trilogy_, I just had to go out and get a dragon tattoo," Aries explains as she grabs a bottle and pours a clear liquid into a plastic, Dixie cup.

"Uhh... Is that vodka?" I ask. Aries giggles.

"No, silly. This is Mountain Dew," Aries tells me. I give her a very sharp glare. "You're right, it is vodka."

I sigh as I drink the vodka. I'm preparing myself for some bad things.

"Hey, what's -" I ask before I pass out.

* * *

When I awake, I am in an empty cafeteria. Outside, it is snowing.

"_Choose your destiny... Flawless victory..._"

I sweatdrop. Then, the theme from Mortal Kombat begins playing.

"_Fight!_"

Then, I hear a growl, I look behind me, and I see a tiger, which looks ready to eat me. I'm about to cry out for my mommy, but then I remember some valuable advice I learned from watching _The Hangover_.

"Tigers love pepper, but they hate cinnamon!" I say to myself as I pull some peppers out from my pocket and give them to the tiger, who eats them.

Then, the room spins. When it stops spinning, I'm on a bus, sitting next to a man wearing sunglasses.

"Do you know this guy?" The man asks me as he shows me a picture of Honey Badger.

"No," I say. The man removes his sunglasses, revealing that he is Honey Badger.

"Honey Badger is watching you sleep..." Honey Badger tells me.

* * *

I awake back in the room, where Aries is writing something.

"Lucy, the test results came back inconclusive," Aries tells me.

"Huh?" I ask.

"Well, let me put it this way - You're an S.O.S. Brigadier," Aries tells me that.

"An S.O.S. Brigadier? Isn't that from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya?" I ask.

"Yes. This means you can like all the anime in the world. Your test results were narrowed down to three anime - One Piece, Hetalia, or Kuroshitsuji. Choose wisely, or you may end up in the Homestuck faction," Aries explains. Homestuck faction is bad. In it, you can't watch any anime and you have to worship Nicholas Cage and never eat a single Betty Crocker meal again unless you like Jane Crocker.

"Uhh... Okay," I say before I leave the room.

* * *

**Ending Note: **If anybody's curious, here's the break-down of the factions in this parody.

**Abnegation - Hetalia  
Dauntless - One Piece  
Candor - Bleach  
Amity - Naruto  
Erudite - Kuroshitsuji  
Factionless - Homestuck  
Divergent - The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**Review if you want to see Lucy pick her faction!**


	2. What's Your Favorite Anime?

**Author's Note: **Sorry for not updating for several days. I chalk it up to both procrastination/laziness and the fact that I've got a new One Piece/_Hunger Games _project coming out soon.

**Disclaimer: I only own _One Piece: Parallel Works._**

* * *

The next thing I know, my family and I are eating dinner. It would be a nice last dinner with my family before Gray and I possibly switch factions, had my parents not ordered Kentucky Fried Chicken, Domino's Pizza, and Taco Bell.

"Dear Rhaegar Targaryen, or as our brothers in Westeros call you, "some random pretty-boy who's already dead", we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Domino's, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family - My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking - and adopted, in Gray's case-, children - Lucy Heartfilia and Gray Fullbuster, or 'a busted Daytona stripper' as we call him. And, of course my red-hot smoking wife, Layla, who is a stone-cold fox - Who, if you were to rate her ass on a hundred, it would easily be a 94. Also wanna thank you for my best friend and wingman, Hetalia Faction Leader Igneel Dragneel, who's got my back no matter what," Dad says. Everyone but him sweatdrops.

"Well, let's eat," Gray says before we dig in.

Some last meal this this.

* * *

The next morning, we all go to the Sears Tower to choose which anime to follow for the rest of our lives. For me, I could either remain worshipping nation-tans, or I could be a pirate or a sexy maid. Or, I have to spend the rest of my life worshipping a man named Andrew Hussie, whoever he is.

"Okay, smile," Mom says as she pulls out her Polariod camera.

"Mom!" Gray and I cry. This is not the time for pictures.

"Yeah, Layla, this is not the time for pictures!" Dad points out. Mom sighs.

"Okay," Mom says like the Okay Guy as she puts away her camera. "You two have a good time. Be sure to return to your ship or mansion or ninja colony or something before curfew."

"Also, no smoking pot!" Dad adds.

"Jude, our children DO NOT smoke marijuana. Our kids live above the influence," Mom says.

"Yeah, well, last night I was watching Gray do his math homework, and one of his answers was 420," Dad retorts. Gray and I use this time to sneak into the row of teenagers.

"That was a close one," Gray says as he wipes a bead of sweat from his brow.

"Yeah. Had we stayed with mom and dad, mom would've wiped the dirt from your cheek," I explain. "Oh, wait, let me do that for you."

I lick my finger and wipe a smudge off of Gray's cheek. Gray then pushes me off of him.

"Goddamn it, Lucy, you're embarassing me!" Gray yells. Then, the leader of Hetalia faction, Igneel Dragneel, turns on his microphone. He's also a dragon who has a human son, which is very weird.

"Testing, testing. One, two, three," Igneel says into the microphone before he clears his throat. "Taylor Swift sucks! All of you, go listen to Flogging Molly! Thank you! I do two shows a night at the Holy Roman Empire Memorial Theater and Italian Restaurant!"

Everyone sweatdrops.

"Well, we know the microphone's on. Anyway..." Igneel explains. "Welcome, welcome. The time has come to select one boy and one girl to compete in the 74th annual Hunger Games."

"This isn't Narnia!" Dad yells from somewhere in the audience.

"I'm drunk, what do you expect?!" Igneel argues. "Anyway, the time has come to sort your childern into the four houses of Hogwarts - Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Griffyndor."

"This isn't Hogwarts either!" Dad yells. I facepalm.

"_Come on, already. Make this quick so I can choose the new anime_," I think to myself as my eyes trail to the volumes of Bleach, One Piece, Naruto, Kuroshitsuji, and Hetalia on a table in front of Igneel. In order to select your new anime, you have to cut the palm of your hand with a kitchen knife and spill your blood onto the manga of your choice. Personally, I think that's a waste of good books since they're getting dirty with someone's blood, but who am I to judge?

"Gray Fullbuster!"

Gray takes the stage. Unfortunately, he took the stage naked. This understandably causes chaos.

"Son, put some clothes on! You're not from a hentai anime faction!" Dad yells from the audience. Igneel turns to Gray.

"Young man, what faction are you from?" Igneel asks Gray.

"Hetalia faction," Gray answers.

"When you get to your new faction's headquarters, please put some clothes on. Nobody wants to see that," Igneel explains as he wraps a sheet around Gray. "Anyway, please choose your faction wisely. Once you go black, you can't go back."

Gray cuts himself with the knife. With almost no hesitation, he decides to let his blood drip onto the stack of Kuroshitsuji manga.

Bitch. Now I'm all alone.

"Looks like somebody wants to make a contract with Sebastian Michaelis!" Igneel announces. Gray bows as he walks off stage to wild applause, leaving his sheet on stage.

"Son, you forgot your towel!" Dad yells.

"Honey, be quiet," Mom warns dad.

"You're embarassing me, dad!" Gray yells from the Kuroshitsuji faction transfers' section. I facepalm.

"Lucy Heartfilia!"

I take a deep breath and take the stage. Since I'm an S.O.S. Brigadier, I can choose any anime I want. Why? YOLO, that's why.

"So, Lucy, how has your faction served you?" Igneel asks me.

"It was okay," I say. Igneel hands me the knife.

"Well, choose your new faction. Cake and grief counseling will be offered afterwards. The cake is a lie," Igneel tells me, quoting the Portal series, which I hear is really popular in Narnia.

With a sigh, I cut the palm of my hand with the knife. Since I don't know what to do, I kind of freeze there. Then, I realize I'm making a complete ass out of myself, so I decide to move, spilling my blood onto the carpet...

And onto the stack of One Piece manga.

Looks like I'm a pirate now.

* * *

**Ending Note: Review if you want to see more Fairy Tail characters!**


	3. I'm Gonna be Queen of the Pirates!

**Author's Note: **And, so, Lucy became a pirate. Will she be happy in One Piece Faction? We'll see.

**Disclaimer: I only own my OCs, and they won't show up for a while.**

* * *

After the ceremony ends, I split off with the One Piece faction newbies.

"Bye, Lucy! We promise to visit you and bring cookies!" Mom yells.

"And we promise to show you Gray doing a re-enactment of that corset scene!" Dad adds. I sigh.

"Bye! Have fun on Hetalia Day without me!" I yell before I follow my fellow pirates outside. We all grow silent once we realize that we're supposed to do something.

"Well, then..." A transfer from Bleach faction with short, spiky, blue hair says as she puts on a pair of sunglasses. "It's a pirate's life for us now."

_Yeeeaaaaaahhhhh!_

"OMG! You know that CSI: Miami meme?!" I ask the girl.

"Yep! It's my favorite meme!" The girl says. "My name is Levy McGarden. I'm from Bleach faction. What's your name?"

"I'm Lucy Heartfilia. I'm from Hetalia faction," I introduce myself.

"Hetalia faction, eh? That one was always an... Interesting faction, with all of the fanfiction and Christmas bloodbaths and whatnot," Levy says.

"Bleach faction must've been interesting, too," I say. "I mean, don't you guys worship a gay fairy named ButterflAizen?"

"Yeah..." Levy says as she nervously scratches the back of her head. "Anyway, initiation is going to start soon."

"Initiation? What are we going to do?" I ask Levy as the pirates of One Piece faction approach Navy Pier, where several pirate ships are docked.

"Oh, that? We have to jump into these lifeboats our ship is pulling. If we end up in the water, you become factionless and have to live with the Homestuck faction," Levy explains as we run after the lifeboats, which are sailing away. Levy then stops running, breaks into a sprint, and does a perfect backflip into her lifeboat. People in her lifeboat cheer. "Come on, Lucy! You can do it!"

"Alright..." I say before I run to the edge of the dock and take a flying leap into the lifeboat, accidentally tackling Levy and pinning her to the ground in the process. "Uhh... Oops."

A pink-haired boy wearing a scarf helps me up.

"That was an epic jump you made," The boy says in awe.

"Thanks," I say. Then, the boy collapses and turns green.

"Stop the boat! I think I'm gonna be sick!" The boy cries. Everyone sweatdrops.

"Don't worry, it's a common occurence for Natsu to get sick," A boy with black, spiky hair and piercings explains. "My name is Gajeel Redfox by the way."

"I'm Lucy, and this is Levy," I introduce myself and Levy to Gajeel.

"Hi," Levy says as our lifeboat stops at a huge pirate ship called _The Hyperion_.

"Well, initiation's over, so let's party!" Gajeel says as we board the boat, with Gajeel dragging Natsu - the seasick boy - on board. Buffet tables of food and drinks await us.

"Sweet! We get to party!" Somebody in the crowd yells. Levy and I walk to a stack of hamburgers on a tray.

"Hamburgers?" I ask. In Hetalia faction, I ate a lot of hamburgers, since the Hetalia character America (or, Alfred F. Jones) eats lots of hamburgers.

"I just hope they're not from McDonald's," Levy says.

"They're not. We shipped these over from an In-N-Out in Los Angeles."

Natsu approaches us.

"In-N-Out?! No way!" I say before I dig into a hamburger, which is the best hamburger ever. "Mmmmm! Why can't there be an In-N-Out in Chicago?!"

"No clue," Natsu says before he digs into a hamburger of his own.

* * *

That night, I go to bed in my assigned dorm. Even though you can wear almost anything in One Piece faction (except merchandise pertaining to Bleach, Naruto, Hetalia, Kuroshitsuji, or Homestuck), I decide to sleep in my Sweden cosplay, for old times' sake. It takes me a long time to fall asleep, since the suit of armor sleeping next to me has a litter of kittens inside of his armor. (1)

Wait... How did a suit of armor get accepted into this faction?

* * *

**(1) - **This is not a typo. Alphonse Elric from Fullmetal Alchemist is in this faction.

**Review if you possibly want to see Edward and Winry!**


	4. Stun Guns and Straw Hat Pizza

**Author's Note: **Okay, kids, who wants to see Gajeel get tazed? Er... I mean, who wants to see Ed and Alphonse Elric?

I thought so.

**Disclaimer: I don't own any animes used or refrenced.**

* * *

The next day, we begin to train to see who will stay in the faction and who will have to become a Homestuck fan.

"Today, you will be learning how to shoot a gun," Natsu explains as we board the shooting range ship. "Why? Because your final initiaion will consist of three parts - Physical, emotional, and mental."

Gajeel raises his hand.

"What does shooting a gun have to do with piracy?" Gajeel asks Natsu, who pulls out a tazer.

"Because they use guns in One Piece," Natsu says. "Now, I remember that a little bird told me that you were going to volunteer to use a stun gun correctly, am I right?"

"Well, I -" Gajeel says before Natsu tazes him. A few seconds later, the tazing stops and Gajeel is on the floor twitching.

"There. That's how to use a stun gun," Natsu tells us. "Now, feel free to practice your shooting as much as you like before lunch. Have fun!"

Natsu then collapses and begins throwing up.

"Medic! I'm so seasick right now!"

With a sigh, I pick up a gun and fire it. Predictably, I miss, since the only guns I used were prop guns for Civil War re-enactments.

"You're doing it wrong," Loke - a glasses-wearing transferee from Kuroshitsuji faction - says mockingly. I pistol-whip him.

"Shut up," I say before I fire a few rounds, hitting all of my targets. After that, I twirl the gun around my finger and blow the smoke off of the end of the gun in a badass manner. "Haters gonna hate."

I then decide to go over to the can-shooting station to get away from Loke. He seems kinda sleazy.

* * *

I practice shooting at cans and shooting NERF foam darts before we take a break to go get lunch at Straw Hat Pizza. We choose Straw Hat Pizza, because Monkey D. Luffy wears a straw hat.

"So, how do you like One Piece faction?" Alphonse - the suit of armor - asks me. I blink.

"I'm sorry, but have I seen you before?" I ask. I really could've sworn I've seen this talking, cat-loving, suit of armor in some anime that wasn't Hetalia or One Piece.

"No, but you've probably seen those two kids before," Levy says as she points to a blonde-haired kid with a long, red coat and a blonde-haired girl who is hitting him upside the head with a wrench.

Wait... What are Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell doing here? Aren't they from Amestris?

"Hey, Lucy, pay attention!" Levy yells as she snaps her fingers in my face. "I asked you, have you shared any classes with Alphonse?"

I think about this. I've never seen him before, since Alphonse is from Bleach faction and I'm from Hetalia faction. Both Bleach and Hetalia factions are civil toward each other, but the Hetalia and Homestuck factions really hate each other. Also, there is some sort of rivaly between the Kuroshitsuji faction and the Hetalia faction, but who really cares about that?

"Nope," I say with a smile. And, here I thought being an S.O.S. Brigadier was bad, but look how far I've come. Nobody knows that I watch ANY anime I want to.

Haters gonna hate, indeed.

* * *

After lunch, we walk down the street to a kendo dojo.

"Now, here's the fun part - You get to practice fighting for tomorrow, where you will engage in hand-to-hand combat with your fellow pirates. Why do pirates have hand-to-hand combat? Enies Lobby, that's why," Natsu explains. I smirk to myself, since I have a chance to take down Loke in hand-to-hand combat.

But, it's not easy, since my punches and kicks I give to the punching bag are weak. After an hour of weakly punching the punching bag, Loke approaches me.

"You don't seem that skilled in fighting. Why don't you -" Loke asks before I give him a kick to the balls so hard, he sails across the room.

"Will you shut up?!" I yell. Everyone looks to me. "Carry on."

Everyone goes back to what they were doing before I physically assaulted Loke's manhood.

Score two for Lucy Heartfilia.

* * *

After dinner, we get to do whatever we want, so Levy, Gajeel, and I go shopping at the mall.

"Ooh! Let's go to Forever 21!" I squeal.

"We will, but first we need to get you some RPG clothes," Levy tells me.

"RPG clothes?" I ask Levy.

"Yeah. Everyone in One Piece either dresses normally, dresses like they're from a fantasy RPG, or both. You'll get used to it," Gajeel explains. "Plus, the RPG clothes are pretty bitchin'."

"Alright, if you say so," I say. Two hours later, I have bags filled with tons of clothing.

"Wow! These clothes are pretty cool!" I say. "What should we do next?"

"Get a tattoo. People in One Piece have nice tattoos."

Aries approaches us.

"Oh, hey, Aries," I greet the lamb-girl.

"Lucy?! I didn't know you were with the pirates," Aries says in shock.

"Yep. I like One Piece now," I say. "Say, which tattoo should I get?"

Aries ponders this over for a moment.

"As they say in Disney, 'anything your heart desires'," Aries tells me before she walks away.

"So, do you want a tattoo?" Levy asks as we approach the tattoo parlor.

"That depends, I -" I say before my eyes trail to the design of a pink bird taking flight.

Needless to say, I get that bird tattooed on my hand. There's a new Lucy in town!

* * *

**Ending Note: Review if you want to see Lucy kick Loke's ass - I mean, if you want to see the Homestuck Trolls.**


	5. Do Not Talk About Fight Club

**Author's Note: **Time for a random Fairy Tail question that may or may not have to do with this fic - How come nobody's written a crossover with Homestuck where Lucy's Celestial Spirits meet the Trolls? I mean, both the Celestial Spirits and the Trolls symbolize the Western Zodiac in some way, so their meeting should be inevitable, right?

Well, enough ranting, let's begin the new chapter.

**Disclaimer: I own basically nothing pertaining to the fic, except my OCs and _One Piece: Parallel Works_.**

* * *

**Alt. Chapter Title: "Loke vs. Lucy! Dance of Romance!"**

The next day, the fights begin. Currently, Levy and I are watching Alphonse battle Gajeel.

"Who are you battling?" I ask.

"Juvia Loxar. They call her 'Fulvia Cardew' in this faction," Levy explains as she points to a blue-haired girl hanging out with Loke and a tanned boy with white hair.

"Who's Fulvia Cardew?" I ask. Levy shrugs. (1)

"She's the lady on channel six who does the weather every weekdays during the four, five, six, and eleven hours," Levy explains.

"Oh. Who's the white-haired guy?" I ask Levy.

"That's Elfman. He believes that fighting should be done with fists," Levy explains. I turn my attention back to the battle, where Gajeel's fists are now bleeding because he's been punching a suit of armor for about ten minutes.

"I forefit!" Gajeel yells. Several medics then take him away on a stretcher. Alphonse just shrugs and walks away.

"_Next up... Levy McGarden vs. Juvia Loxar!_"

"That's me!" Levy says.

"Break a leg," I tell Levy. Two minutes later...

"Help! I forefit! I think she broke my leg!" Levy cries as Juvia beats her upside the head with an Angry Birds plushie. Two paramedics then take Levy away on a stretcher.

"Oh, my Oda-sensei! I'm psychic!" I cry out. I just hope Bear Gryllz isn't the guy I will have to battle.

* * *

"Alright, Levy, since you don't like the Angry Birds, hold on to this railing for five minutes," Loke commands as we approach the pier.

"Uhh..." Levy says.

"Let me tell you about HOMESTUCK," Loke reminds Levy, who screams and runs to the railing. She jumps, flips over, and grabs the pier railing in mid-flip.

Where did Levy learn those mad gymnastics skills?

Anyway, two minutes into it, Levy's hand slips, and she is left hanging onto the rail with one hand.

"Come on, Levy! You can do it!" Alphonse yells. With a smile, Levy's free hand grabs the rail, but a wave crashes into Levy, causing her to lose her grip again. I facepalm.

"You know what?! I can't watch!" I scream before I close my eyes. Three minutes later, I open them, and Alphonse is helping Levy out of the water.

"Made it," Levy says breathlessly. I put my hands on Levy's shoulder.

"Don't ever do that again," I tell Levy.

* * *

The next morning, I awake from some strange dreams involving me and Levy holding onto the mast of the Hyperion to keep us from sinking into Angry Birds plushies.

I decide to take a shower and get dressed to clear my mind. But, when I return, I see that somebody has written "Yaoi addict" all over my bed.

"LOKE!" I scream.

"What?" Loke asks coyly as he changes his sheets.

"Did you do this?!" I ask as I point to my bed. Loke scoffs.

"We just wanted it to look prettyful," Loke says innocently. I restrain myself from thowing my alarm clock at Loke's head.

"Prettyful my ass! Expect a call from my lawyer and a lawsuit for destruction of property!" I yell before I storm out of the room and head into the training room. On the board, it says "Today's fights - Loke vs. Lucy".

I have to battle that scumbag?!

"Hey, baby. Let our dance of romance begin."

Loke enters the room. All eyes turn to myself and Loke.

"Kick her in the balls!" Levy shouts. I do so, and my kick is so hard, Loke is sent flying out of the room. Everyone gasps.

"Deal with it," I say as I brush my hands off.

"Goal!" Loke shouts before I get knocked unconscious with a soccer ball.

* * *

**(1) **- Fulvia Cardew is a character from _The Hunger Games_. I gave Juvia that nickname, because when I started reading/watching Fairy Tail, I thought her name was Fulvia.

**Review if you want to see Natsu again.**


	6. Field Day Friday

**Author's Note: **Who wants to play capture the flag? Apparently, Natsu wants to play it.

**Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own anything.**

* * *

When I awake, I'm in the sick bay. Alphonse, Levy, and Gajeel are at my side.

"What happened after I passed out?" I ask.

"Natsu kicked Loke's ass," Levy answers.

"I see..." I say.

"Anyway, we came to tell you that tomorrow we're going on a field trip. We leave at one tomorrow!" Alphonse announces.

"Hooray! A field trip! I hope we go somewhere fun!" I cheer.

* * *

Turns out, our field trip is to Navy Pier. At one in the morning.

"Guys... I don't think we should be doing this," I say as we approach the pier, which would be a lot busier in the daytime.

"Hey, capture the flag is a fun, wholesome pastime that all of the factions enjoy," Natsu explains. "Especially if it involves Super Soakers."

Natsu and Gajeel - the team captains - then distribute Super Soakers to us.

"Aren't we near Kuroshitsuji faction's headquarters?" Levy asks us.

"We must be, since I can smell the colonge," A boy with a red tattoo on his face comments sarcastically.

"Oh, you're one to talk, Jellal! Who wasted two of our precious minutes to liberally spray Axe body spray all over himself?" A woman asks Jellal before she downs a barrel of beer.

"Shut up, Cana," Jellal retorts. Natsu clears his throat.

"Anyway, let the games begin!" Natsu announces. With that, we split up. I decide to go straight to the ferris wheel. That way, I can pick off the opposing team one by one like in Assassins' Creed.

"Can I join you?"

Natsu runs up to me.

"Sure. It wasn't like I was going to shoot you like that Dear Sister skit from Saturday Night Live or anything," I say.

"Alright!" Natsu says as we climb to the top of the ferris wheel. Why do we climb all the way to the top of a 40-foot ferris wheel? Because I'm an S.O.S. Brigadier who kicks logic out and does the impossible like Kamina.

When we get to the top, we are greeted with an amazing sight - A bitchin' view of downtown Chicago.

"Natsu... It's beautiful..." I comment. Then, the ferris wheel moves. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit!"

"Lucy, remember what they taught you in school - Keep calm and carry on!" Natsu yells I close my eyes.

"I don't wanna die... The odds are not in my favor... Winter is coming... The cake is a lie... I believe in you, BBC Sherlock Holmes... I like trains... Shorts are comfortable and easy to wear... Betty Crocker is the Batter Witch... Harry Potter is the Boy Who Lived... Derpy is best pony... Bow ties are cool..." I mutter to myself to calm myself down.

"Lucy, jump!" Natsu yells. I open my eyes, and Natsu and I jump down to the ground and ninja-roll away from the ferris wheel. I then pimp-slap Natsu like a boss.

"You idiot! You didn't tell me that the ferris wheel was going to move!" I yell.

"Well, I'm sorry I care about pirate justice!" Natsu argues.

"Hey, guys!"

We turn our attention to Levy, Cana, and Jellal, who are guarding our flag.

"Come on, let's go own Gajeel's team!" Levy says. A few minutes later, all of us board our ship, soaking wet and tired.

"Man, that was pretty awesome," Levy commented.

"I know, right?" I add. I will always remember this night, since it was a simple, innocent time for pirates. But, I will never understand what capture the flag has to do with pirates.

* * *

**Ending Note: Review if you want to see Lucy's mom!**


	7. Fullmetal Walk-Out

**Author's Note: **You know, I came to a realization today - This fanfic will eventually go on hitaus until the third book in the _Divergent_ trilogy comes out and I can read it. But, for now, enjoy this chapter.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail, One Piece, Bleach, Naruto, Kuroshitsuji, Hetalia, Fullmetal Alchemist, or _Divergent_.**

* * *

The next day, I awake, shower, get dressed, and great breakfast. But, there's something on my mind that I can't put a finger on.

"Levy, what's today? Besides Friday," I ask Levy.

"It's Visitation Day. Our families visit us," Levy explains. I then spit out my coffee all over Levy's brand-spanking new copy of the latest volume of _One Piece: Parallel Works_.

I didn't know mom and dad were coming today.

"I didn't know mom and dad were coming today," I say meekly. Levy sighs.

"Me neither, but that's why Steve Jobs invented a calender app for the iPhone and iPad," Levy says before her eyes dart to her manga. "Aww, Lucy! I wanted to know what was going to happen to Blaise after Saint Ninamori sentenced him to be executed in her weird-ass dollhouse."

I hit Levy with the manga.

"Thanks for spoiling the Playdate Arc for me when I'm only on the Erin Island Arc!" I cry. What surprises me is that I caught up to both One Piece and _One Piece: Parallel Works_. I laughed when Heathcliffe had to crossdress in order to hide from his evil father, I cried when Ace died, I cheered when Yulia grabbed a poison arrow headed toward her and she used it to stab Shiro, and I went "aww" when Luffy told Robin "Say you want to live" during Enies Lobby.

One Piece is truly a magical anime.

* * *

"Mom, we need to talk. It's about that faction aptitude test I had to take," I say as I approach my mom.

"Okay," My mom says before I decide to take her into the one room nobody will be in - My bedroom. "Why are we in the bedroom? Does this have to do with that lecture you had in health class?"

I sigh.

"I'm an S.O.S. Brigadier," I blurt out. My mom puts her hand to her mouth.

"Oh, Lucy, I still love you just the way you are," My mom says as she puts her hand on my shoulder. "But, you should be careful saying those things. You could go to pirate jail for that."

I sweatdrop.

"Okay?" I say. Where's the hidden camera? "Speaking of which, where's dad? Is he visiting Gray?"

"He's not, he had to work today," My mom explains. "But, if you can, swing by the Kuroshitsuji faction compound for me today. Also, if you can, could you ask Gray about the simulation serum they're going to use during the initiation for this faction?"

I grow silent. My mom was a pirate?

"You were a pirate?" I ask mom, who smiles.

"Yes, I was. I did what I wanted, because a pirate is free. You are a pirate, too, Lucy," Mom explains. Then, Gajeel, Levy, Elfman, Loke, Juvia, Alphonse, Winry, Edward, Jellal, Cana, and Natsu enter the room.

"_Yar-har, fiddle-dee-dee  
Being a pirate is alright with me  
Do what you want because a pirate is free  
You are a pirate!_" Gajeel, Levy, Elfman, Loke, Juvia, Alphonse, Winry, Edward, Jellal, Cana, and Natsu sing before they exit the room. Mom and I sweatdrop.

"Are those your friends?" Mom asks me. I sigh.

"Yeah, they are," I answer. Loke then re-enters the room.

"Hey, Lucy, your mom is a MILF," Loke says before he leaves the room. My mom turns white.

"Lucy, do you know if that guy is taking any drugs?" My mom asks me after we sit in silence for a moment.

"No. He's just sexually deprived," I answer.

"I resent that remark!" Loke yells from outside my room. My mom gets up and hugs me.

"I'm gonna go. One Piece faction got too weird ever since I transferred to Hetalia faction. Toodles," Mom says before she power walks out of my room.

Being an S.O.S. Brigadier can bring on some very strange things. Sadly, things will most likely get stranger from here.

* * *

Just as I'm about to leave for the Kuroshitsuji faction compound a few hours later, Natsu stops me.

"Hey, where are you going? Don't you want to see the rankings for how well everyone did in their initiation fights?" Natsu asks me.

"Uhhh... I'll just take a brief peek, then I have to go. I need to visit my brother at the Kuroshitsuji faction compound," I explain.

"Fair enough. You get first priority," Natsu says as he pushes me through the crowd and in front of a chalkboard, which says the following:

**One Piece faction initiation ranking #1:**

**1. Edward Elric**  
**2. Loke**  
**3. Gajeel Redfox**  
**4. Levy McGarden**  
**5. Juvia Loxar**  
**6. Lucy Heartfilia**  
**7. Elfman Strauss**  
**8. Alphonse Elric**  
**9. Winry Rockbell**

I got sixth?! No freaking way! I made the cut!

"Hell yeah! In your face, losers!" I yell as I point to the crowd of pirates, who sweatdropped.

"I ranked higher than you," Loke says with a smirk. I spit at Loke's feet.

"Will you shut up, you sexist pig?!" I yell.

"What the hell?! Why did Lucy rank?!" Juvia cries. "And why is Levy above me?!"

Levy looks to me and gives me a high-five.

"Hell yeah! Let's party!" Gajeel shouts. Juvia glares at us.

"This ain't over," Juvia says smugly before she leaves the crowd.

* * *

Because of Levy and Gajeel's party, it's midnight when I go to bed, which means that I will need to talk to Gray tomorrow or something.

However, I'm awoken by screams.

"Shut up!"

"Somebody, turn on the lights!"

The lights go on, and I can see Edward lying on the floor. There is a butter knife stabbed in his eye and Pepsi spilled all over the floor. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts half-cut off lies next to him.

"What happened?!" I cry.

"I wanted a midnight snack, so I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As I was walking back to my bed, I tripped and fell. Long story short, always cut the crusts off of your sandwich BEFORE you return to your bed," Edward explains. I turn to Levy.

"Get the doctor," I tell Levy. It's then that I notice that Loke and Elfman are missing from the crowd. I have the feeling that one of them tripped up Edward.

* * *

The next morning, I awake to Edward and Winry's beds stripped down.

"Edward and Winry decided to become Homestuck fans," Levy tells me at breakfast.

"Oh," I say. Gajeel, Levy, and I grow silent.

"Now Alphonse is all alone. Poor guy," Gajeel says as he stares longingly into his pancakes. I sigh.

"_Attention, everyone, you've all been moved up a rank since two One Piece faction members decided to worship Andrew Hussie. Have a nice day_!"

Natsu then wheels a whiteboard into the room, which says:

**One Piece faction initiation ranking #1 (Revision):**

**1. Loke**  
**2. Gajeel Redfox**  
**3. Levy McGarden**  
**4. Juvia Loxar**  
**5. Lucy Heartfilia**  
**6. Elfman Strauss**  
**7. Alphonse Elric**  
**8. Joffery Baratheon**  
**9. Rose Tyler**

Everyone in the room (save for a certain trio consisting of Juvia Loxar, Elfman Strauss, and Loke) cheers. Even I cheer, even though two of my friends quit being pirates.

"I feel like Yuki-Rin asked me to join the Capricorn Pirates!" Levy exclaims with joy. I would be happy too, had Edward and Winry not left.

Wait, who are Joffery and Rose? (1)

* * *

**(1)** - Joffery is from Game of Thrones and Rose is from Doctor Who. I used their names in the ranking list as placeholder names since I didn't have enough people.

**Review if you want to see Lucy's mental simulation!**


	8. The Crow Goes Caw Caw

**Author's Note: **The crow goes "caw caw", and so does the Davesprite. This means that it's time to begin the chapter!

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

The next day, the mental simulations begin for everyone. Every pirate is sitting in the hallway, and we're all bored as heck.

"Is this seriously our mental simulation?" Levy asks me.

"Well, if it is, I think we've already seen paint dry," I add. Then, two pirates exit the simulation room with a screaming Cana in tow.

"No! I refuse to go to an A.A. meeting! I don't have a drinking problem!" Cana shrieks. Everyone sweatdrops.

"Well, that was new," Levy comments.

"Lucy Heartfilia!"

"That's me," I say before I get up.

"Remember, Lucy, if you see a Weeping Angel, don't blink. Blink and you're dead," Levy explains.

"Thanks for the heads-up," I say before I go into the mental simulation room. It's empty, save for Natsu, a bunch of computers, a dentist's chair, a box of donuts, and several empty cans of Red Bull.

"Hi, Lucy! Ready for your mental simulation?!" Natsu asks me cheerfully. I sweatdrop.

"Sure..." I say cautiously as I sit down in the dentist's chair. Natsu pulls a virtual reality helmet over my eyes.

"Remember, this is a mental simulation going on inside of your head. It's all in your head, Lucy. If these mental simulations continue outside of this room, please seek professional help," Natsu explains as he presses some buttons. "Oh, by the way, my chocolate cake is a lie. If Jellal tells you about my chocolate cake, tell him that it was made with his mom's chest hair."

Then, I'm dragged into my mental world. It's a flat grassland, with grain growing all around me. This doesn't seem so bad.

"I could build an entire village here. Raise my RPG army and stuff," I comment. A crow then lands on my shoulder. "And, it's my first member of my RPG party!"

The crow then pecks at my shoulder.

Okay? I'm seriously scared of crows?

Then, a whole flock of crows fly down and peck at me everywhere.

"What the frick?! Natsu, this isn't funny!" I yell as I shield myself from the crows, who keep poking me. I do the one thing we're always taught when an earthquake happens (even though I live in Chicago, where earthquakes very rarely happen) - I duck and cover. But, the crows still poke at me. "Okay, Natsu, you win! This hurts, and I think these crows have torn off chunks of my flesh! Just get me out of here right now before I go beserk and choke a bitch!"

Next thing I know, I'm back in the simulation room.

"Wow," Natsu says. "Looks like we're not going to an aviary anytime soon."

"Why would a pirate want to do that?" I ask Natsu.

"I dunno. I bet fifty bucks that a future One Piece color spread will take place at an aviary," Natsu explains. "You're free to go, by the way. I'll see you when I'm done with this mental simulation crap."

"See you around," I say before I leave the room.

"So, how did it go?" Levy asks me.

"Okay. It was less intense than I thought," I say. "Say, I'm getting kind of hungry. Want to get something to eat?"

"Sure. What do you -" Levy asks me before she's cut off.

"Levy McGarden, it's time for your mental simulation!"

"Sorry, I have to go," Levy says before she leaves the room. With a sigh, I go into the kitchen/galley, where a bunch of pirates are huddled over a newspaper.

"Hey, Lucy, we thought you'd might like this, being that you used to watch an anime about the nations of the world," Gajeel says as he hands me the article everyone was reading.

**Is Hetalia Losing its Internet War Against Homestuck?**

**Recently in Hetalia faction, there has been a disturbing trend. The recent transfers of Lucy Heartfilia and Gray Fullbuster, a.k.a., "A Busted Daytona Stripper" -according to his adoptive father, Jude Heartfilia -, is causing people to wonder why we have a faction that worships the countries of the world who have turned into gay guys. Juvia Loxar, a One Piece transferee, suggests something going on in her family. "She's grossed out by yaoi," Juvia says. "When she was little, her father read her a France x England doujinshi to bed, and it was all about France and England doing [Bleep] [Bleep] and [Bleep] [Bleep]. Then, they** -"

Loke then takes the paper from my hands.

"Hey! I wasn't done reading it!" I cry.

"I'll finish for you, sweetie," Loke says before he begins reading the paper. "**But, some people don't think it's a hate of yaoi. Others think that there is growing discontent against Hetalia faction for not solving the city's problems. Maybe it's time the Hetalia fans forefitted the internet war against the Homestuck fans.**"

I grab the paper from Loke and kick him very hard in the balls.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" Loke cries.

"For smack-talking my old faction!" I say before I turn to Juvia. Before I can punch her, Gajeel restrains me.

"Hey, hey, hey. She's supposed to be your nakama," Gajeel tells me.

"Hell no, she's not! She's like the Wolfgang to my Enlai or the Sanji to my Zoro! She's insulting MY father!" I yell.

"Just calm down, Lucy. I'm sure it was from a tabloid newspaper or something," Gajeel tells me. Levy and Alphonse then enter the room.

"Lucy, I'm going to go shopping! Want to come with?" Levy asks me. I smile.

"Sure. I need to take my mind off of things," I say. I decide not to think too much about this newspaper article for now, even though it'll become important later on. Right now, I need to get my snack on with Levy, Gajeel, and Alphonse. Some pretzel sticks dipped in cheese would be nice.

* * *

**Ending Note: Review if you want to see the Capricorns!**


	9. Why the Hell Not?

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the long delay. I had other fics I had to work on that took presedence over this fic.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

* * *

The next day, the next mental simulation is much weirder. In it, I'm locked in a glass box with water rising all around me. My friends and enemies all stand around the box, watching me drown.

At least I'm not Gajeel's simulation, where he had to go on a date with a gay, perverted butler named Grell.

"_Won't somebody help me?_" I think to myself before I break the glass. As soon as the glass shatters, I'm back in the simulation room. Natsu's jaw is open.

"I know what you are. You're ice cold, and -" Natsu says before I cut him off.

"No, I am not that sparkly jackass!" I yell. Natsu sighs.

"Say it," Natsu demands.

"Say what?" I ask.

"S.O.S. Brigadier," Natsu whispers. I turn pale.

"How... How did you know?" I stutter.

"I saw the tapes of your mental simulations. Just hide it next time, okay? It would make us all happy," Natsu explains.

* * *

"Aries, can I talk to you in the back?" I ask as I enter the tattoo shop.

"Sure," Aries says as she leads me to the back room. "What is it, Lucy?"

I sigh.

"What does it mean to be an S.O.S. Brigadier? Besides watching whatever anime you like with no restrictions," I ask. Aries ponders this.

"Well, you can manipulate the simulations. You also know that they're just simulations in your head," Aries explains. "Also, for some reason, people in One Piece faction who end up being S.O.S. Brigadiers end up dying."

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I scream. Aries sweatdrops. "Sorry. Go on."

"My best friend, Capricorn, and I transferred to One Piece faction from Kuroshitsuji faction. Capricorn was also an S.O.S. Brigadier. He was doing so well. That is, until I found his dead body in front of the T.V. while Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was on. To this day, I'm still not sure if he was murdered, or if the trashiness of Honey Boo Boo and her family killed him," Aries explains. I sweatdrop.

"_It's possible to die by watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?_" I think to myself.

"And, to make matters worse, they used Capricorn's Honey Boo Boo nickname on his headstone instead of his real name - 'Here lies Crybaby'," Aries explains. I turn pale. (1)

"Why did they name him that?!" I cry in terror.

* * *

It's been four days since I talked to Aries, and I'm returning to my dorm after another day of simulations. So far, they've included crows pecking at me, me drowing, Loke burning me at the stake while he wears a Spanish Inquisition costume, and me accidentally killing my family. All in all, it's weird.

"Lucy! Lucy!" Levy yells. "You ranked #1 on the mental simulation rankings! You beat Loke by five minutes and fifteen seconds!"

I look to the board. Sure enough, I'm at number one with a simulation time of only two minutes and fourty-five seconds.

"Suck it, Loke!" I yell. Oops, I shouldn't have said that, since he is now blindfolding me while Elfman and Alphonse pick me up.

"Where are we going?!" I cry.

"You'll see, sweetie," Loke says. Before I know it, I hear the water, so we must be on the decks of the Hyperion. I then feel Elfman and Alphonse hold me over the rail by my ankles. "I see London, I see France, I see Lucy's underpants!"

"Falcon Punch!"

I feel Elfman and Alphonse let go of me and I hit my head hard on the railing. The last thing I see before I pass out is pink hair.

* * *

Predictably, I wake up in the sick bay, with Natsu standing above me.

"What happened? I know Loke was being an ass, but -" I ask Natsu, who cuts me off.

"I guess they wanted to scare you or something," Natsu explains.

"Can I stay here tonight? I don't feel like putting up with Loke," I ask Natsu.

"Why the hell not?" Natsu says.

* * *

Predictably, I ache all over the next morning. But, I'm still required to join everyone else in a field trip to an abandoned skyscraper.

"This will be your Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape. We took the stuff from your mental simulations, and we're going to be using that in the emotional stage of your initiation, which is also the final stage. Each person's Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape will be different, and you will be judged on how quickly you get through it," Natsu explains. Loke raises his hand. "Yes, Loke?"

"Why is it called the Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape? Can't it be called something like 'Impel Down' or 'Punk Hazard'?" Loke asks Natsu, who glares at him.

"You're just jealous because I have a friend with boobs and you don't," Natsu tells Loke with a straight face. All of us either laugh or go "Ooh, burned". "And, besides, I'm the one who picks the name for this place, not you. Now, we will come here in one week for the final part of initiation. Please prepare yourself mentally the best you can."

As we leave, I begin to sense that my quote-unquote "Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape" will have Loke in some way or another.

* * *

When I return to my dorm, Alphonse is waiting for me.

"Hey, Lucy... I'm really sorry about last night. Can you... Forgive me?" Alphonse asks me. For a moment, I feel triggered about the events of last night that ended in my concussion. They still seem sketchy at best, but, hey, Loke was involved. If Loke is involved with anything, it's always sketchy. Same goes for Juvia and Elfman.

"Get out," I say in an almost whisper.

"What?" Alphonse asks. Suddenly, I feel a lot of anger over last night, and I need to let it all out.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, YOU PERVERT! YOU ARE SO TOTALLY ON LOKE'S SIDE, AREN'T YOU!" I yell.

"FINE THEN! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Alphonse yells before he runs crying out of the room.

I didn't know metal suits of armor could cry human tears.

* * *

The next morning, I awake to a sad-looking Levy standing over my bed.

"Lucy... It's Alphonse. He... He disassembled himself and let Loke drop him off at the dump," Levy says sadly. I sigh.

"Guess I shouldn't have cursed at him," I say. "But, then again, LOKE was involved."

Levy sighs.

"I bet Alphonse did it so he could get away from us," Levy says. We grow silent, since today is going to be a long day.

* * *

**(1) - **Yes, I used the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo nickname generator to get Capricorn's nickname.

**Review if you want to see the Super Happy Pirate Fun Landscape!**


	10. Natsu and His Milkshake

**Author's Note: **Personally, I like this chapter a lot. Probably because we get to see the parody of Four's Fear Landscape.

Anyway, who's excited for _Allegiant_? Who's excited for the _Divergent _movie? I am. Who's going to go see _Divergent _and wear their Faction's colors? I know I'll be going in my Erudite blues.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail, One Piece, Homestuck, Bleach, Naruto, Kuroshitsuji, or, most importantly, the _Divergent _trilogy.**

* * *

**Alt. Title: "Natsu's Milkshakes Bring all the Hetalia Cosplayers to the Yard."**

That night, Levy, Gajeel, and I decide to blow off some steam. We decide to buy as many magazines and newspapers that make mentions of Kuroshitsuji faction and throw them into the water.

"Hey, Gajeel, who's Mavis?" I ask as I show Gajeel a picture of a moé, blonde girl.

"Mavis Vermillion? She's the leader of Kuroshitsuji faction. She was in a home economics class with my adopted sister, Virgo," Gajeel explains before he gets out a lighter and burns the picture of Mavis. "I don't care if Good Housekeeping called her 'The Bestest Maid in Kuroshitsuji Faction', she's too moé-moé for my tastes. I'm a man, Goddamnit."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Natsu leave the Hyperion.

"Hey, guys, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go see what Natsu's doing," I tell Levy and Gajeel.

"Alright, then. Stay away from Loke," Gajeel says before I run off and join Natsu.

"Hey, Natsu, what are you doing?" I ask Natsu, who grins.

"We're going to the Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape!"

* * *

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" I ask Natsu as he injects me with the simulation serum.

"Well, we've become so, so close over the past few weeks. So close, that I decided to show you what my Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape looks like," Natsu explains. "Ready to have some fun?"

"Sure," I say before we enter the landscape. The first thing that we see in the Super, Happy, Pirate Fun Landscape is the fact we're on a building. "You're scared of base jumping?"

"At first, I wasn't. Then, I saw _The Reichenbach Fall_ episode of Sherlock," Natsu explains. "Seeing _The Angels Take Manhattan_ never helped."

I grab Natsu's hand.

"Let's do it together," I say before we run up to the edge of the roof and jump off. Then, the scenery changes, and we're now in a room so cramped, Natsu has to hold me in order to make room.

"Lucy, my legs are falling asleep," Natsu whines. Then, the room gets smaller and I wind up on top of Natsu. "Now I can't breathe!"

The scene changes again. Now, we're in a dark room, and a woman stands there. Natsu is now holding a shotgun. Without blinking, Natsu shoots the woman.

"Was that your mom?" I ask.

"I think so. My parents died after I was born," Natsu says before the woman disappears and Igneel appears. Natsu breaks into a cold sweat.

"Are you alright?" I ask.

"Nope. This is my worst fear - My dad," Natsu answers.

"What did he do?" I ask.

"Well... Let's just say he hates me for no reason," Natsu tells me. Igneel glares at him.

"Do it again, Natsu!" Igneel yells.

"Aw, come on, dad! I just did it, like, five times!" Natsu cries. Then, several more Igneels appear.

"Do it!" The Igneels shout. Natsu gulps.

"_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're, like, 'It's better than yours.' Damn right, it's better than yours. I could teach you, but I have to charge_," Natsu sings before he breaks down crying. I sigh as I hug Natsu.

"Really? He made you sing that song?" I ask Natsu as the scene fades away and we return to the old building.

"Not just that. He shamed and beat me because I wasn't a Chinese dragon!" Natsu sobs.

"It's okay. For Halloween, you can be one," I tell Natsu. "But, we should go back to the Hyperion. It's late, and I'm sure everyone is worried about us."

* * *

**Ending Note: Review if you want to see Initiation Day!**


End file.
